My Thoughts And Dreams

Right of Passage

2010-03-03T05:13:00.000-08:00

It seems to me that today I have once again come full circle in the myriad of emotions that I feel as a mother. My son takes his drivers test today. I know he is in good hands since his teacher is taking him to the test. As my son got into the trainers car I felt both happy and sad. Happy that my son is growing up and sad that he is growing up.

I remember one other time feeling these exact emotions and that was the day my son sat on the school bus for the very first time in Kindergarten. I remember seeing him sit up straight and look out the window and thinking wow, how strong is he, my little man.

I thank the LORD for blessing me with such a wonderful person. As I watch him turn into a man, I am so pleased with the way he has grown up. While no one is perfect, he has developed true depth of character, displays amazing inner strength, and has an unbiased view of the world around him.

~Michelle

Stop feeding the wolf

2010-01-18T17:36:00.000-08:00

TWO WOLVES

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride,superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Thanks goes to Picturepatternandpaper for posting this.

Time

2010-01-18T17:30:00.000-08:00

I was just sitting here thinking about things that I am trying to accomplish this year and when I do that I enviably think about parts of my life that I feel are unfinished but fate has taken me down a different path.

I have gone back to a time that for most is the most magical time in the world. Its funny how when we are young we think so differently. I wonder what force is out there that controls our emotions and as we age this force turn to our children and they end up thinking just the same. We find ourselves saying things we swore as teens we would never say when "we got older".

However, I find that I wonder why those who I would not have considered friends are now comrades? That guy who wouldn't give the time of day now reminisces on the glory days and asks "How come we never...?" As we, with age, come to view each other in a different light? Or is it our desperate attempt to hold on to our youth as we combat the hours glass that is slowly running out of sand? Maybe this is what having a mid-life crisis is all about. :)

The grocery store

2010-01-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

This evening I was at the grocery store very focused on weighing my green peppers when I ran into a gentleman who left an impression on me. He really was a gentleman. He had an accent, I think sounded Russia. He was looking at me intently. Of course I was embarrassed that I ran into him and apologized profusely.

He noticed me. It felt good to be noticed. Me, after a long day at work and I am pretty sure my mascara ran under my eyes. It felt good.

So, I went along in my shopping, once again very focused and forgot the popcorn so whipped around to get it and wouldn't you know it, I ran into him again. I felt so bad. He said, it was ok. That us meeting was special. Wow. hmmm. Bad thing was, I was so speechless, I didn't even get his name.

Maybe I will have to go to the grocery store more often.

This goes out to you:

2010-01-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

Eric, you are my inspiration and motivation. No one I know could go through what you have and still get up every morning with a smile on their face. You are my hero!

Dakota, you are what it means to be generous and compassionate. You are my role model.

To Craig, over in Iraq, I think of you and your family! Craig, sorry about prom! In my defense, it was my dad and his wife. I never knew you were at my birthday party or I would have hung out with you. I regret never getting to spend time with you. I remember your senior prank and that I ran over your engine in your drive way. I don't know if you ever knew that we went looking for you. Thanks to the guy who helped get the big dent out of the front end. My dad never knew.

Dave, what's up with you? I should have never given you back that necklace. Thanks for the ride on the motorcycle! Next time I will remember to pull the helmet strap tighter.

Kerry, where are you? You are the only girl I know who could "cheat" with me in chemistry, claim we weren't and make it all look legit! You were a God sent to me in high school! I hope you and your family are doing well.

Colleen, where are you? I haven't heard from you in years and wanted to know how college went and what you are up to.

Jesse! OMGH in New Orleans! How wonderful. Congrats on the new restaurant. I know it will be a huge success. When I get to New Orleans, I will stop by for lunch!

James, where ever you are, you made an impression on me! May GOD watch over you and you have true success in life!

Sherry, you have such great spirit! Thanks for being there in my time of need.

Billy, your logic astounds me!

Matt, You left an everlasting impression on me. May you have all the success and happiness that a person can in this life time.

What Might Have Been

2010-01-04T04:55:00.001-08:00

As I get older, I start to reflex on things that have happened in my life and those who have passed through it. When my mother passed two years ago, I saw how many broken bridges that she left behind. I decided that I wanted to mend any of the ones that I broke while I still had time on this earth.

One such bridge was back in Germany. There was a very special person I met when I went to my first duty station. He took me to my first authentic German restaurant and I had my first true German beer. I started to get close to him when things started to come between us, things that if I had just talked with him about, could have been avoided. Well, we parted and not on good terms. I will never forget the last look he gave me before he left.

He never knew that I used to sneak around to the motor pool where he worked just to see if I could get a glimpse of him. I used to walk down the hallway of the barracks and pass by his room just to see if I could hear his voice.

Well, years passed and yesterday I finally found him. We talked for a couple of hours and I started to miss what might have been. If only I had said something before he left maybe things would be different. If only I told him that I loved him.

He has done well for himself and for that I am grateful. As a part of me morns the loss of what might have been, I can only hope that at least I mended a broken bridge.

Michelle

Canadian Geese

2009-12-28T16:32:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, I took my dog, coffee, out for a walk along some of the side streets in my town. As we were walking, a huge flock of Canadian geese flew above us. I took a few minutes to watch them. Each bird knew its place in the flock. When one would get them off course another would take the lead and bring them back in line. It was amazing to see how each bird maintained the correct amount of distance in the flying pattern and each bird took over the lead. Occasionally, one bird would be in the rear but would be flapping its wings harder and fly faster to catch up. I kept thinking why was that bird alone? It dawned on me that geese mate for life. Sometimes, if one has lost its mate, he will fly in circles trying to locate her. Could this be what happened? Or maybe he just got a late start and was trying to catch up with the group. Either way, the group let him know where they were at but they didn't slow down. I was in awe as they flew in total harmony, each one knowing its responsibilities to the flock...even the lonely one.

Michelle

Changes for the New Year

2009-12-23T12:19:00.000-08:00

As we approach the end of the year 2009, I wanted to reflect on my goals for the upcoming year. I really feel the need to accomplish something. In previous years, it was completing my education and I have done that. I earned my Masters in 2008. So now I have to really take a look at me, something I don't like to do, and fix what is wrong, what I don't like. To me that is the hardest thing to do. Why? I have no idea. I just feel lazy and yet I was never like that. I don't want to just exist. I want to make an impression in this world before its my time to go. So, I pondered and reasoned until I came up with the following list:

1. Lose weight for real this time! Meaning change my diet. I am going to go vegetarian. I have friends that do this and have such energy and vibrancy. I want some of that!

2. Exercise 3 times a week. No if ands or buts! I need to do this for me. One hour with 15 minutes spent on ab work!

3. Join a good church and become active like singing in the choir. I remember singing when I was younger so I think I need to start back up.

4. Explore and take pictures. I love to scrapbook but its hard when you don't have any pictures. I need to get out and take some. Explore the world around me. Why not? I haven't gotten out and enjoyed life and this new year marks my start.

I am sure I'll come up with more but for now this is a great start!

Hugs

Michelle

Day dreaming

2009-12-22T04:51:00.000-08:00

Is there ever an age where you are too old to daydream? I find that more often now that I am older I daydream more. I dream of exploring far off places like being part of an archeological dig discovering a part of history. I can not say that I have never gotten to explore because I have. I have traveled to Germany, Austria, Mexico, and Canada. But I seem to have this deep desire to discover how we lived in times that didn't have such luxuries such as a computer or cell phone. Can we even remember not having a phone with us when we went to the grocery store or traveled? Most of the time this urge is quieted down by life but on an occasion it gets ramped up in full force. In this case it was because I discovered a movie called Timeline. I watched how history unfolded back in the 1300s and there I was wishing I was there. So maybe this year I should spend more time exploring new places, even if they are close to home.